Sunday, December 29, 2013

"if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work"

While it's tempting to leave the responsibility of missionary work to the missionaries, in doing that we are ignoring our calling as members! Too often I have either heard or expressed the sentiment "when I'm a missionary" followed by a list of amazing personality changes that will somehow activate upon opening the mission call. As much as us "premies" would like to believe that, I think we all secretly know it's not true. We won't be blessed out in the mission field if we don't make daily efforts to improve and develop into the person we want to be.

The following are all phrases I've said or thought at one time or another in my life to try and excuse myself from missionary work, and my responses are all things I've learned from other people's examples and advice, or personal revelation through studying the scriptures.

"I don't have a companion."

Oh, but you do! When you were baptized as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and you received the gift of the Holy Ghost, you were promised that as long as you remained worthy, you could have the constant companionship of the Spirit. When we take the sacrament, we promise to be obedient, and in return we are promised that we may "always have his Spirit to be with [us]" (Moroni 4:3).


"I don't have a mission." or "I don't have my call yet."

Yes you do! God has a hand in our lives constantly, not just in sending us on missions, and you are where you are on the Earth right now for a reason. If you will be open-minded and pray for opportunities, you will find ways to serve and share your testimony with those around you wherever you are. It may be that a coworker or classmate needs your testimony and strength, or even that a stranger needs to see your example to soften their heart. We can't know where we would be most useful, but the Spirit does. Allowing the Spirit to guide our actions will allow us to touch more lives and serve more meaningfully than we ever could on our own.

"Long before leaving our earthly home to serve a full-time mission, we left heavenly parents to fulfill our mortal mission. We have a Father in Heaven, who knows us--our strengths and weaknesses, our abilities and potential" (W. Christopher Waddell, "The Opportunity of a Lifetime").

You do have a call! You were placed on this Earth, in your family and circumstances, for a reason. There is nothing random about when you came to this Earth. You were placed where you could have experiences that would shape you into a unique individual with a unique testimony and perspective on the gospel, and you can use that to help people that maybe only you can reach.

Doctrine and Covenants 4:3 says "Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work." I don't think this verse means "If ye have desires to serve God ye shall receive a formal mission call for 18 to 24 months." If you have desires to serve, you are called to serve today. You are called to stand as a witness of God "at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death" (Mosiah 18:9).


"My family members/friends have already rejected the Church."

My parents are converts to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and 20+ years later, my extended family still hasn't accepted the gospel, despite our ongoing efforts to share it with them. Explaining to them that I just wasn't going to be around or very accessible for 18 months was a little hard for them to wrap their heads around, understandably. But we haven't given up trying to share it with them and include them in our beliefs whenever we can, as well as participate in reasonable discussions about our differences and similarities. It can be more nerve-wracking to bear testimony in front of close family or friends than total strangers, sometimes. Continue to stand for what you believe in, and the Lord will bless you with confidence and the companionship of the Spirit so that you will never have to feel alone even when you have to stand alone. Be willing to share your testimony if you ever find yourself in a situation that calls for it, and the Lord will bless you to know what to say. Your family members and friends may never accept the gospel in this life, but your example can be key in softening their hearts or at least making them more open-minded. One of my fears is that when I pass through the veil into the next life, I will be greeted by family members -- aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins -- who will ask me why I didn't tell them, why I didn't share what I knew and believed my whole life.

And if all efforts seem to fail, continue to pray for them, love them, and serve them.


"I'm too shy."

So was Moses. And yet, he had enough faith to overcome and do mighty miracles through the Lord! Granted, in his case, Aaron became his spokesperson -- but the Lord still provided that way for him to overcome his challenge, and He will help you overcome your challenges, too. I used to hate talking to strangers, or just public speaking in general. I still get horribly nervous bearing my testimony or giving a talk or teaching a lesson, but I can do it, and the more I do it, the more accustomed I get to it. Now is as good a time as any to practice getting out of your comfort zone, because the mission will push you and stretch you farther than you knew you could go.

Also, trust that if you're doing what you're supposed to be doing, you won't feel shy. It takes time, but little by little you'll start to notice yourself doing things you didn't think you were capable of doing before. The Lord works miracles in all of us!


"My faith/testimony isn't strong enough yet for me to share with others."

This was probably the biggest thing that kept me from even mentioning church to anyone I knew in high school. I assumed that I didn't have a testimony strong enough to share. When I came to university, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to make my testimony stronger so I could share it, and I learned that I already had everything I needed. I knew that the church was true, I knew the Book of Mormon was true, I knew that I had a Heavenly Father who loved me, and I knew that all those things had made me happier than anything else in my life, comparatively. I didn't have science to back up my beliefs; but you don't need science to know what you feel is right, and bearing your testimony shouldn't be like going into a bible-bashing session or any kind of a fight. You're just sharing what's important to you. If you try and approach it that way, it'll be easier for those around you to understand what it means to you and respect you for it even if they don't agree.

Plus, as I mentioned earlier, you can have the Holy Ghost as your companion, and if you have that and you study and make honest efforts to expand and share your testimony, "it shall be given to you in the very hour, yea, in the very moment, what ye shall say" (D&C 100:6).


"I've already prepared enough for the mission."

Until you are out in the field, you are always preparing for the mission, whether you realize it or not. If you think you're prepared enough, you may need to be working more on humility. Every time I think I'm ready, something happens to prove to me that I'm totally wrong and seriously need a change in perspective. I am confident in the knowledge that when the Lord calls me to serve, I will be ready and prepared enough to do what He wants me to. But until then, every second of my life is a second I could be spending preparing to serve.

We prepare in tons of different ways! Physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally... and beyond that, just practicing being an example and representing Christ at all times, things, and places. Motivating yourself to get out of bed in the morning is preparation for the mission. Pushing through a really difficult homework assignment is preparation for the mission. Learning to love a difficult roommate, be it a friend or family member, is preparation for the mission!


"I'm too young to do this on my own."

Nephi was most likely in his teens when he slew Laban and retrieved the plates (although this hasn't been doctrinally approved or anything, most scholars estimate he was between 14 and 25 during the events of 1 Nephi). Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." In my opinion, there should be an exclamation mark at the end of that verse, because it's so empowering! Don't worry about being too young; if you study the scriptures, pray daily, and keep the Spirit with you, you will be just fine. You are never alone in your efforts to do the right thing!


"I'm not planning on serving a full-time mission." or "I don't know if I should serve."

So you've decided that serving a mission isn't right for you? Congratulations! I came to a similar conclusion a few months ago and I thought I was quite happy with it until I realized that the reason I wasn't going was because I was scared, not because it was actually right for me to stay home. I didn't want to go because I didn't want the responsibility of sharing the gospel with total strangers away from the comforts of home for such a long period of time. Deciding not to serve a mission doesn't absolve you from your responsibility as a member to support the missionaries and share the gospel through your example and living your covenants. As members, we should all develop the desire to be missionaries and support missionary work, no matter where our life choices take us.

With some redirection from the Spirit, I realized that serving a mission was exactly what I needed to do -- despite my fears. But there is not one answer that works for everyone! Even the experiences of others can only guide you. Your decision needs to be something you feel is right for you and that's between you and the Lord, not you and your culture, your parents' expectations, or even a boyfriend (if you're a girl).


"I've made too many mistakes to be worthy enough to be called."

But that is exactly why you're here, isn't it? We all make mistakes; yes, some are more serious than others. Some of the wounds of sin can take time to fully heal, and there are usually scars left that shape us into the unique individuals we are. I don't advocate sinning just for the experience; you will get far more experience just by enduring to the end. However, there is much to be gained from experiencing the process of repentance. You will have a stronger relationship with the Lord and a greater appreciation for the Atonement. One of my best friends on a mission said that it's likely that all our weaknesses are divinely inspired, because in overcoming them we are brought closer to God and we grow stronger. Ether 12:27 says "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness that they may be humble... for if they [men] humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." Trust that you can overcome and forgive yourself, and see your weaknesses for what they really are; tools to bring you closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.


I love Jacob 6:3, "How blessed are they who have labored diligently in his vineyard." We are all called to serve in the Lord's vineyard. And why do we serve in the first place? Because everything we have and are is God's, and His love for each one of us is the reason for everything we have and have access to in this life through the gospel.

This Church is true!

Saturday, November 30, 2013

the nature of sacrifice

I'm approximately a month and half out from being able to submit my mission papers for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It's been a really long, hard road getting to this point, and I'm so grateful for the support of my family and friends in all my struggles and endeavors. I've been so incredibly blessed that for me to express anything other than gratitude would be an insult to my Heavenly Father and all those who have been supporting me so strongly.

But like I said, it's been a really long, hard road, and it still is. It's been especially hard for me to reconcile some of the sacrifices I've had to make in preparation for the mission, particularly the sacrifice of time. I was 17.5 years old when the mission announcement was made in October of 2012, which meant that while my college roommates and friends could all experience the joy of going within a few months of the age change, I would have to wait a full year and a half -- just over 18 months, to be exact -- before I could fully appreciate the same blessing of going out in the mission field.


I've spent countless nights crying myself to sleep, struggling to be close to the Spirit but constantly questioning why I could not experience the same blessings in the same time frame. Then there was the issue of financing the mission...my parents are converts to the church, and with my four siblings, it hasn't been the easiest just providing for everyone, much less paying for me to go on a mission. So I went and got a proper job to try and earn as much as I possibly could, continuing to wonder why some of my friends could just pick up and go. I'll even admit that I felt a great deal of jealousy for some of my friends. It has been a humbling experience to do something on the Lord's time frame when that time frame differs so drastically from my own. And I justified a lot of complaining, too, because the desire to go on a mission is such a genuinely good desire. I even began to doubt my Heavenly Father's love for me because of the timing -- why was I being required to sacrifice so much more to go? Was I not as good as the people I knew who were leaving within a few months of the announcement?


Ultimately, with help from the Spirit, my family, and some dedicated friends, I've been humbled and brought to a better knowledge of my Heavenly Father's love for me. I also finally understand at least a small part of why I've had to go through the things I have, and it all comes down to the nature of sacrifice. As Latter-Day Saints, we believe that sacrifice is a vital part of our lives -- and not only do we believe that, we believe that we have been asked to make sacrifices because of what we believe. There are lots of different kinds of sacrifices, from those we make willingly like sacrificing our time or talents to serve others, and those that we are forced to make through the circumstances of our lives (there's a wonderful talk by Dallin H. Oaks about this topic that you all need to go read or listen to). The sacrifices we make refine us by teaching us about who we are and what we really value. When forced to give up something, do we turn in faith to the Lord, trusting that He knows all, or do we become angry or frustrated because we cannot understand why? There's an oft-quoted phrase that goes something like "our trials should make us better people, not bitter people."


The Lord is so eager and willing to bless us, even for the sacrifices we make for blessings. In sacrificing for the mission and actively pursuing it, I have been blessed with hundreds of mini and major miracles, too many to count or describe. I've been blessed with the knowledge that the Lord is preparing me to be a far better missionary than I could have been if I had left last year. I've been blessed to better develop and refine traits and abilities that I did not have a year ago. On top of all this, I've also been blessed with the knowledge that I will be able to enjoy and appreciate serving a mission more than I ever would have if I had not poured in all the time, sweat and tears that I have. It's not a competition to see who can get the most baptisms or who can leave first or who can go to the most exotic place in the world; it's an opportunity to get to know the Lord on an intensely personal level and draw closer to Him by focusing on loving His children 24/7 and spreading the infinite joy of the gospel, and I couldn't be more excited or grateful for the Lord's timing and plans.


If you are struggling with the sacrifices you have been forced to make, or when you feel tempted to look around and compare yourself to those whose lives seem infinitely easier than yours, remember that:



"Good timber does not grow with ease,
The stronger wind, the stronger trees.
The further sky, the greater length.
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow."

Your Heavenly Father loves you infinitely more than you can imagine, and He is so proud of you for your personal growth and achievements. He does not compare us to others; why should we? I promise you that the sacrifices you make, either by choice or by the course of life, will bless you not only eternally but in this life. You can experience the happiness and peace that comes from doing the Lord's will, and you can be grateful to know that your Heavenly Father knows you and loves you well enough to want to refine you into the person He already knows you can become.

Monday, September 2, 2013

a letter to students: learning is living

To all those who are starting, have started, or will start school in the coming weeks, in all grades, levels, majors and ages:

I believe that one of the primary reasons we are here on this Earth is to learn, and we are meant to learn about everything, from formal subjects to people to life and religion. In public school systems, learning often becomes routine, inadequate and tedious. This pretty well sums up how I felt about school after graduating high school. When I got to college, however, I was fortunate enough to enroll (somewhat randomly) in classes where I had professors who re-taught me to be excited about learning.

The problem with learning is that most people only associate learning with academics, and that's a terrible mistake to make! Learning is sooo much more than school. When done properly, learning is life itself. You should never stop learning, ever!

Although it's not always possible, especially for those of us who are younger and don't know who we are yet, it is so important to find your passion (or passions), something that truly interests you. It doesn't even have to be purely academic. I love people, for example; watching them, interacting with them, listening to them and helping them. So while academically, that usually translates to social psychology, it also isn't purely that. It's making friends with people from all walks and journeys in life, lending mental and emotional support to those who need it, and even volunteering my time to be involved with different clubs on campus so I can interact with more people.

Learning is so much more than school, and there's no reason you should ever stop learning just because you've left the classroom. Once you learn to truly enjoy learning, life itself becomes more enjoyable. It's not about grades, it's about the challenge and the wisdom that is gained.

Saturday, August 31, 2013

A Father's love..."of course I'm going to take care of you."

The other day while I was sitting in a crowded building on campus where I'd managed to steal an outlet to work on my computer, I overheard one side of a phone conversation that made my heart melt. The man on the phone was an older gentleman, who looked to be in his sixties.

"Son," he said, "All I can tell you is to hang on, because things are going to get better eventually. They can't always be this way." There was silence for a few moments and the man seemed close to tears. Finally he spoke again. "I wish you didn't have to go through this. But I do and always will love you so much." Then they exchanged goodbyes and the man hung up and walked away.

I was touched by the whole thing -- the cute little old man and the words he spoke, but especially by the tone and the way he spoke. I was overwhelmed by how much love he had for his son and I was sitting all the way across the room.

In a way, I needed to overhear that one-sided conversation. I don't know what his son was struggling with, but as someone struggling with very real problems of my own right now, it was a reminder that I have an earthly dad and a Heavenly Father who would say the very same things to me and do anything for me in my times of trial.

Love, in my experience, is the most powerful emotion we can feel. It motivates better than fear, changes lives, saves lives, and provides more confidence and comfort than anything this world can offer. It was out of love that Jesus Christ offered himself as a sacrifice for the sins of the world. Love keeps families together and brings safety and peace. I can't speak highly enough of love. In a world overflowing with hatred and negativity, pure love -- known as charity, "the pure love of Christ" (Moroni 7:47) is the one thing that can bring happiness no matter how tough life is.

There's something very powerful about a father's love, specifically. Throughout my life I've always focused more on a mother's love, seeing as how I plan to be one someday. But I think I've neglected studying out the impact and significance of a father's love and attention on his children. Our parents have made more sacrifices for us in our lifetimes than we can even imagine -- I recognize more and more of these sacrifices as time goes on, but I know I don't even know one-tenth of the things my parents have done for me and I probably won't until I'm a parent myself and making those same sacrifices for my kids. It's easier to see a mother's sacrifices: her patience in interacting with her children cannot be appreciated enough. But fathers make sacrifices too, and they are trying in different ways. How grateful I am for a dad who worked so hard, at great cost to his health and mind, to always provide for my family so that we wouldn't have to worry about living.

Absolutely everything in my life is evidence of my Heavenly Father's love for me and all his children. Everything. From sunsets to a child's prayer to my own family to all the many mini-miracles that happen every day to make my life easier in the midst of trials. In fact, it's easier for me to recognize my Heavenly Father's loving influence when life gets tough. Like the old man on the telephone, our Heavenly Father wants to do so much for us. He doesn't want to see us in pain, or struggling. But while he can't always take away our pain and problems, he can and always will continue to love us and help us if only we turn to him and ask.

A recent experience taught me this lesson in a very powerful, personal way. It was at the beginning of my recent homeless week in Provo and I was feeling entirely alone and overwhelmed. So I said a simple little prayer from the bottom of my heart asking that somehow, everything would be okay and work out. And then a thought popped into my head, something that any parent would say. "Of course I'm going to take care of you."

Would any decent parent ignore a child's cries for help? Of course not! And as Heavenly Father is indeed our Father, I can personally promise that he will never abandon us, never give up on us, and take care of us as long as we let him, and ask him.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

my homeless week in Provo!

This was a picture of me taken last week....I was HOMELESS!








Just kidding, that's not really a picture of me. THIS was a picture from my homeless week.

I probably shouldn't be celebrating that. It was difficult and exhausting and stressful to the point of being emotionally, physically and mentally overwhelming. I didn't eat very well, got totally sick of fast food, and didn't shower for about four days (I profusely apologize to everyone who had to interact with me during that time. Really, I'm so sorry).

But to be honest, I'm really grateful for this last week. We don't grow unless we push our limits, and while it's hard to think that during a trial, it's easier to look back and see how the experience strengthened me. I'm not just talking about how it made me more tolerant to not showering and being uncomfortable in my own skin. I learned how to be tougher, and I learned how to better accept help and ask when I needed it.

I'm a proud individual, as most people are, and if I can do something on my own I will, even if it is hard or an inconvenience. I hate the idea of anyone thinking I can't do something. I'm invincible, I can do anything, and I can tough everything out on my own. At least that's what I'd like to think about myself. But it's not true, and I was truly humbled last week, both by the number of times I needed to ask for help and the graciousness of those around me who so willingly helped.

And it did even more than just strengthen me as an individual. It was a hardcore exercise in trusting my Heavenly Father. Seriously. Hardcore. I felt firsthand his love and support through the love and support of those around me. To everyone who helped me, even if it seemed insignificant or small, it was magnified and deeply appreciated in my eyes. I was overwhelmed last week by the love and generosity of my friends, to whom I am so immensely grateful.

A dear friend of mine once likened college life to being on a roller coaster. The highs are higher, the lows are lower, and it's over before you know it. Even when life stinks and it's hard, it's so important to remember to enjoy the ride!

Thursday, August 1, 2013

50 things I wish I'd known before I went to college

As summer draws to a close (okay not really, but it feels like it and I'm getting back to school fever) and I prepare to begin my sophomore year at university, I've spent a lot of time thinking back on how I've changed over this year and all the wisdom I've gained. Most of my wisdom has come from screwing things up and having to learn how to do them better. The hard way, basically, which involves lots of tears, late nights and sometimes heartache and indigestion.

In an attempt to save future generations from some of my more horrible mistakes, I've made a list of the 50 things I wish I'd known before I went to college. Now you can benefit from my endless wealth of wisdom (sarcasm, people, that's sarcasm). This list is largely directed towards girls but there's stuff for everyone in here.

  1. High school did a horrible job preparing you for college. Get ready to throw almost everything you knew about people (and academics) out the window.
  2. Rice is your best friend because it is cheap, it cooks quickly and it goes with everything (not exaggerating).
  3. Sewing needles and black and white thread (bare minimum). You will use them more than you know.
  4. All-nighters don't work for homework. At all.
  5. If you don't set your own personal dating standards and rules before you ever go out with a guy, the guy will set them for you and you will regret it.
  6. Don't miss class. Seriously, bad idea. Also, go to review sessions.
  7. When you get along with your roommates, you get almost nothing done in your dorm.
  8. Get in the habit of writing in a journal every single night because you will forget the tiny but magical details to the fun nights and successful dates. Plus, you'll be amazed to look back and see how you've changed as a person.
  9. Brush your teeth every night. Just do it.
  10. Don't spend down time Netflixing. Free time should be spent being productive or napping, primarily.
  11. Sleep is a glorious thing.
  12. The college world is very, very small, so be nice. You never know when you'll end up in a class with the cousin of your former TA or the best friend of a mortal enemy.
  13. You may or may not know who you are yet. That's totally okay.
  14. If you're going on a date (especially a blind date), try to make sure at least two people know where you're going and when you expect to get back (and that they should expect a text from you at the end of the night saying you're okay).
  15. Never talk negatively about your roommate(s). Ever.
  16. Never lend/borrow money from your roommate(s).
  17. Always do thoughtful acts of service for your roommate(s). This is especially true if you don't get along very well.
  18. Have an "accountability partner" for big purchases/decisions when you're on your own.
  19. It's better to take risks than do nothing. Get out of your comfort zone!
  20. That said, use common sense.
  21. Live more. That doesn't mean the same thing for everyone! Figure out what you're passionate about and don't worry about what anyone else is doing.
  22. Being an adult is not about being serious and responsible 24/7. It's about knowing when you need to be responsible and when you can relax.
  23. Shower often.
  24. Sometimes the right connections can get you farther than a flawless transcript or resume. Build relationships with professors and don't burn bridges if you don't have to.
  25. Review your class notes right after class. It's magical for your brain.
  26. Self control. If you don't learn it, you will suffer, your grades will suffer, your social life will suffer.
  27. Make sure to take time to actually relax every once in a while. Going to one social event after another will burn you out as quickly as classes and homework will.
  28. Pranks are a great way to flirt with boy dorms (as long as you can handle potential payback).
  29. Food is also a great way to flirt (nothing like warm homemade cookies to bring the boys to your yard).
  30. Squirt guns are a fantastic way to meet people (and squirt guns are cheap!).
  31. Do your parents a favor and call them once in a while.
  32. Fruit is the best because it packs easily and can help balance you out digestively on a college diet (which is usually comprised of crap and more crap).
  33. The campus library (or another building on campus) is your best friend when you need to get away and actually study.
  34. Don't be afraid to turn off your cell phone when you're studying.
  35. Living with someone does not give you the right to tell them how to live.
  36. Respect. Find out what it means to your roommates. Sit down together and set boundaries on what you do and don't share, and establish quiet hours if you're worried about it being a problem.
  37. The more open and upfront you are with people, the fewer problems you will encounter.
  38. "Treat everyone like they're going through a trial, it will surprise you how often you were right."
  39. Don't assume that you know everything about yourself. Try something new.
  40. If you feel like you need to cut stuff out of your schedule because you're stressed out, make sure you're not cutting out homework time.
  41. If you have a part-time job and you feel like you're skimping on homework because of your job, you may be missing the point of being at college.
  42. College is wonderful because your schedule is usually pretty flexible. Some students schedule all their classes on two or three days, others take all morning classes...figure out what works best for you to optimize your efficiency as a student.
  43. Use campus resources! Academic advisement can sometimes get you hooked up with the right faculty and even opportunities like internships and stuff.
  44. Most shoes can go through a washer/dryer without any damage and they come out looking like brand new shoes!
  45. If you're struggling with feelings of inadequacy or feeling overwhelmed, so is everyone else at college. It may not feel like it, but you are not alone and you most definitely can and will pull through.
  46. Going to college means you actually need to study. If you thought you worked hard in high school, you don't know the half of it yet.
  47. Band-aids. You always end up needing them when you don't have them.
  48. "Work hard, laugh when you can, and don't dwell on things you can't change."
  49. Take pictures. Lots of pictures!
  50. Smile!
And there you have it. I guess the point of college is to be on your own, and that means you're going to learn a lot of lessons the hard way. That's okay. Remember the most important thing on that list though -- smile. Because life is too short to frown!

(photo taken from here.)

Monday, July 22, 2013

"girls can't be geeks" stereotypes are rubbish

As my last post indicated, I went and saw the midnight premiere of Man of Steel with a group of friends a while back. This post is a sequel to that. This post is also largely directed towards women, on a topic that I have very strong personal feelings about.

A few weeks ago, I was hanging out with one of the guys who I had gone to the movie with and I asked him what he thought about the movie. We had a good conversation about it and eventually moved on to the topic of Marvel vs. DC. It was a civilized, if heated discussion until a totally random guy who neither of us knew came up and barged in.

Random dude: "Hey, are you guys talking about Marvel vs. DC?"
Us: "Yeah!"
Random dude: "Oh, she doesn't know anything about it."

I was obviously a little surprised and taken aback by this statement. Even more so by the fact that he started laughing like he'd just made a really clever joke. And I was completely speechless when my guy friend went along with the "joke" and added "no, she really doesn't." As random dude walked away, my friend even remarked, "he's funny."

First of all, I should absolve my guy friend of the blame in this case. He was teasing and doesn't actually think I'm ignorant. But whether he does or not is irrelevant, because this so perfectly highlights a horrible, horrible stereotype in our society. It is, simply, that girls can't be geeks.

Whaaaaaat? We live in the 21st century! And while we're still dealing with issues like weak female characters, objectification of women and screwy definitions of beauty, we've come a long way in making things equal between the genders. The idea that girls can't be as knowledgeable about superheroes and comic books as boys, simply because comics are a traditionally boy thing, is utterly ridiculous.

Have you taken a look at any female superheroes lately? Are any of them wearing something you'd be comfortable sending your daughter out dressed as for halloween? I love amine/comic conventions as much as the next geek, but reading some of the horror stories of sexual harassment and abuse that come out of them makes me want to stay far away from those kinds of events. Why do men have so little respect for women in the realm of geekery? As this comic explains, the disrespect goes beyond simple objectification of women and extends to knowledge.

Being a geek, in my own simple personal definition, means loving something so much that it becomes a part, even a tiny part, of your life. And while it's sometimes tempting to judge whether someone else is a geek or not, there is no part of the description of "geek" that justifies condemning anyone else for their lack or excess of knowledge on any particular subject.

Take Doctor Who, for example. I've been watching the show for probably four or fives years -- to be honest, I don't really remember. Now take someone else who just discovered the show a year ago. Who's the bigger Whovian? Should we measure it by how much merchandise we both own? Should we measure it by where they started versus where I started (for instance, I started on New Who but if they started on Classic Who that may give them more geek points)?

The correct answer is none of the above. There is no such thing as a bigger geek in this scenario or any scenario. Trying to figure out who is the bigger geek is like trying to figure out which of your siblings your mom loves most. Geekdom is love; there's no comparison, only combination. The more people who love something, the more love there is to go around.

Friday, June 14, 2013

movie review: Man of Steel

So last night I went to the midnight premiere of Man of Steel. I've never been a huge fan of DC but having grown up watching all the old Superman movies, I was more than a little curious about this one. It started out like any other movie experience, and I certainly wasn't planning on writing any kind of analysis or review for it. But there were so many things in the movie that jumped out at me as being something I wanted -- no, needed -- to write about. So here we go!

Spoilers aplenty. Don't say I didn't tell you so.

I was actually pretty impressed with how the plot laid out. Starting with Kal as an adult helped cut to chase, as opposed to the the typical linear plotline which follows the hero from the very beginning. The flashbacks to Kal's youth, especially after key scenes with his mother or personal self-discoveries, were far more meaningful because we understood how those points in Kal's life were key in shaping him.

The worst part of the movie was the dialogue. At first, I thought it was the acting that was just so stilted and stiff. But I realized that it was all the dialogue, and I'm inclined to blame Snyder for that. It didn't fit with the overall themes of the movie, and some of the lines were so inappropriately timed that it ruined a lot of the emotion behind the moments. For instance, after Kal and Lois kiss, Lois says, "You know, they say it's all downhill after the first kiss," and Kal responds "I'm pretty sure that only applies to humans," and they share a small smile/chuckle.

What was that? Was it seriously an attempt at humor? Kal just committed genocide on his own race. Everyone is barely alive, and they're trying to be humorous? That was a disappointing scene for me. As an audience member, it was like I didn't have an opportunity to process Kal's emotions regarding the loss of his own race, or even the sheer amount of death and destruction around him.

Other than the dialogue, my biggest problem with this movie was Lois Lane. I'm kind of a feminist, in that I don't believe the sole purpose of a woman is to play the romantic interest. Martha Kent is a good example of a more realistic female character. She's not expecting to be saved but that doesn't stop her from standing her ground against beings infinitely more powerful than herself just to keep her son safe. Seeing that "momma tiger" instinct really made my heart happy. But Lois! She's supposed to be a sassy, not-taking-anyone's-crap kind of girl. Instead she's stalking a hot guy around the world (although, to her credit, he is really hot) and being Kal's damsel in complete distress (and most of the time, it's her own dang fault for being too nosy and involved with everything), and that got annoying really fast. In her first scene, she made a good entrance and stood her ground with Colonel Hardy and Professor Hamilton, but it was all downhill from there. It felt like they just took the prettiest actress they could find and told her to stand there and stare wistfully after Kal for the whole movie. As a character, she was so terribly flat that I wasn't even a fan of the kiss because it could have been any girl standing there. There was no strength behind her, no real personality. She didn't even say a whole lot. In other words, I had no reason to like her or feel connected to her. She definitely had a few good action scenes, but again, I think the whole point of her was to stand there and hug Kal or fall from things and need saving (and can we talk about the physics of being caught by Superman while falling from ridiculous heights? The whiplash, man).

(And can I just say, Henry Cavill with scruff! He's attractive without it too but hot dang. Was anyone else semi-disappointed when he came out of the genesis chamber clean-shaven?)

So here's a question. If Kal was so concerned about keeping humans safe, why was he fighting General Zod in the middle of a big city? Zod probably would have followed him anywhere and they could have spared a lot of the city just by doing their fight somewhere else. Oh, wait, destroying buildings looks really cool. Better keep it in Metropolis. That was cool-looking and all, but after a while it felt like they were just trying to one-up The Avengers as far as sheer property damage goes. And by way of comparison, New York was being invaded by an entire army of Chitauri warriors, and Metropolis was being attacked by a terraforming machine and a madman with no control of his strength. And yet Metropolis looked like it had been hit by a nuclear bomb. It looked like some kind of post-apocalyptic scene. Even though the terraforming probably makes that a more realistic picture, it still seemed like a bit too much.

There were a lot of really good themes in Man of Steel. The concept of not knowing how strong we are unless we keep testing our limits; the theme of religion and how we all wonder where we come from and what our purpose is here; the idea that the choices we make, even the little ones, determine who we become. I was thoroughly impressed by the depth of the themes and symbolism. For those like me with over-analytical minds, the movie was more than sheer entertainment.

So that's Man of Steel. I've got some issues with the movie, and it's still a DC comics movie (I'm a really hardcore Marvel kinda girl), but overall I really, really enjoyed it. It was mostly well-executed and the effects were brilliant. But what I liked most about the movie was the fact that I walked out of the theater feeling connected to Kal. I always liked Superman as a kid but I was never really able to feel a connection to him because he was so foreign. Seeing him grow and develop and struggle made him very human.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Of regrets and resolutions...I'm an adult!

Today is my 18th birthday.
"I'M AN ADULT!" She screams, while running across a field aiming a squirt gun at her roommate. Yes, this is me. I'm quite proud of myself.

A lot has happened since my last birthday. I graduated high school, moved my family across a few states and moved to college. I've been an adult, at least unofficially, since I moved out and found myself suddenly alone half a country away from my family and anyone I ever knew. I've grown a ton.


Looking back on my life, there aren't a whole lot of things I regret. I've made some stupid choices here and there, but I don't really regret them.


Just kidding. I've made A LOT of stupid mistakes that still cause me to lose sleep at night while agonizing over them and berating myself for making them. SO many screwups. And yet...I don't know if I would trade the wisdom I've gained from them for anything, even if it means having to relive the embarrassment over and over again. I wish I had been smart enough to avoid the pitfalls in the first place, but I really appreciate how much I've grown from screwing things up. And looking back, the things I regret the most are the things I didn't do. When there was an opportunity before me to do something or learn something but I didn't take it or I didn't put myself out there because I was too scared to take a risk.


You know how most people make resolutions at the beginning of the year? I do the same thing then, but also on my birthday. This blog is one of my resolutions, to write more in volume, more in frequency, and to be more expressive in my writing.

I've also made a resolution to really live life to the fullest -- that seems abstract, but to me it means taking opportunities when they present themselves and being a little more willing to try new things and allow adaptations to my daily routine. My fondest memories have always been of random moments when I made split-second decisions. Like the time I helped my roommate stalk her ex-boyfriend in the wee hours of the morning, or the time I said yes to a first date that led to an invaluable friendship. And random decisions like that can lead to really interesting stories. And who doesn't want to be more interesting?


I could go more in depth on my plans for the year, but let's just leave it with this: this year is going to be great!